khaleesi-mother-of-fandoms:

ecaloshay:

“lawful good water biscuit”

Also see: Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn

Originally posted by geminihurt

(via kaity--did)

justsomerandomgaynerd:

dankmemeuniversity:

(via missmorwen)

badoccultadvice:

coyotes-grin:

cliffsecord:

Why are catholics even on here if they’re clearly not having any fun

Have you ever met a Catholic?  They love not having fun.  It’s kinda their thing.

Once you start having fun the Pope drives over in his Popemobile and excommunicates you right then and there in front of your whole school. I’ve seen it happen.

(via systlin)

tricktster:

ignescent:

kansascity-marshwiggle:

rohirric-hunter:

kansascity-marshwiggle:

rohirric-hunter:

Ever since I got a job as a security guard I can’t take heist movies seriously anymore.

Why is that?

Accurate heist movie: The Team is sneaking into a high security facility. An alarm is triggered, they freeze, prepared to knock out whoever responds to the alarm. It takes 40 minutes for someone to respond. When they finally do show up, they shuffle along, annoyed, arms full of 16 bags of pretzels for some reason, and reset the alarm without bothering to check their surroundings. They report that the alarm went off in error. Security control starts a fight about the correct designation of the door. The guard announces that they’re leaving the alarm key in the alarm because it’s always going off for no reason. No one challenges them on this. They shuffle away, leaving an alarm key and several bags of pretzels behind.

The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.

The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.

The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.

The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.

The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.

The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.

The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.

The Team walks past a security guard in broad daylight wearing T-shirts that say, “We are here to rob you”. The security guard does nothing, having seen several people in logistics wearing that exact shirt two days prior.

This sounds like a great movie, honestly

I will always remember that when I worked for a pharmaceutical company in IT, there were massive security procedures, systems with air gaps, locations with biometric scanners and metal detectors and locking revolving doors, but the highest level of security was a human being in a bulletproof proof room with line of sight to the door and a button. To /get/ to the door, you had to go through tons of other layers and badge access and identity verification, but the final lock was a dual physical key (which required two people to open) and a human being with a book of photographs and a button to push.

At the onset of the 2008-onward recession it became more or less impossible to get the sort of summer gig that college students traditionally get. I couldn’t get a callback from any of the area fast food restaurants, the babysitting gigs were gone, I drew blanks on waitressing, dishwashing, landscaping, car washes, summer camps, you name it. The big local summer attraction near me is a horse racetrack, and I put in apps for every position from betting clerk to horse manure removal tech. I got one (1) job offer that summer, and it was to be a security guard. I was a 19 year old girl with a perky ponytail, big ol’ doe eyes, and no experience or interest whatsoever in policing, so I genuinely thought I’d gotten the offer because they’d confused my application with someone else’s… until the first day of training.

Training consisted of a number of retired high ranking New York State Troopers very earnestly trying to convince a room of “dudes who desperately wanted to be a cop but couldn’t jump even that low hurdle” and also “one increasingly incredulous 19 year old girl who could only hear a loud high pitched note in one ear because she stood too close to her amps at the punk show last night” not to bring swords, shurukens, or butterfly knives into work.

We went over the “do not bring in your own weapons” lecture for the majority of day 1 of training. Day 2 was also “do not bring in your own weapons” for a lot of the day, then we moved onto “identifying the different types of fire extinguisher,” and wrapped up the day with “wasp stings.” Well, actually during “wasp stings” we had a sidebar when this one guard who looked like Ben Franklin raised his hand and shared that he, personally, took care of wasps by blowing their nests up with improvised gasoline-based explosives, so technically we wrapped up the day with “do not bring in your own weapons even if those weapons are to harm a wasp.”

Day 3 was a half day, where we reviewed everything we’d learned about no weapons, fire extinguishers, and wasps, and then we took a written test, which I finished with a perfect score in three minutes so Sargeant Minetti made me grade everyone else’s. After that, I was a full ass security guard; I picked up my fake cop uniform, badge(!!!), tiny notebook, strapped a walkie to my belt, and was given my assignment. My beat was very very literally the most public facing one that existed; while most of my colleagues were posted at gates that might never get opened for the entire summer, I had “the wholeass quarter mile of pavement abutting the chain link fence that separated the public from the ponies.” My responsibilities were simple:

1. tell people to move their rolling coolers out of the fire lane

2. take people with wasp stings to the nurse

and oh yeah

3. every time a clerk at a betting window in my section accumulated more than $10,000 dollars in cash, I had to escort them for ½ of a mile through the incredibly dense crowd of drunk people, any of whom might be interested in stealing more than $10,000 dollars, and get the money safely into the giant vault.

I remember the very first run i made. The betting clerk looked at me, the 19 year old responsible for protecting both them and $10,000. I looked back at him through the mirrored aviators that I’d bought at a gas station for 5 bucks because I thought it was very very funny and good fake cop cosplay. My walkie hissed ominously.

“…Uh, so if someone tries to take the money, what are you going to do?” He asked.

“Well, I get paid 12 bucks an hour, so… nothing.” I responded. “How about you?”

We quickly arrived at an understanding.

Two of the guards from my training group got fired that summer for bringing in their own weapons, and at least one of them had both a butterfly knife and at least one shuruken. Many more dropped out as they discovered that they would not actually be doing Die Hard shit. As for me, I did literally nothing to prevent crime all summer, but I also halfheartedly cleared a path through the crowd at the front of a very sad “St. Patrick’s Day In July” parade, which made me enough of a success story that they actually called me unprompted to ask if I’d come back the next year… with one caveat.

See, the next year I returned as a weathered veteran with a spotless disciplinary record, so they gave me three hours of additional training to get a certification to become a peace officer. As a result, from ages 20-23 (when my license expired) I had the same legal powers of arrest as a police officer.

Me. They just gave me that.

In conclusion, if you’re a highly qualified team of heistmen looking to rob an entity that accumulates wealth by convincing drunk desperate people to give them their money and you pick a fucking casino when the racetrack is right there, you’re either thinking way too inside the box… or you have a healthy fear of shurukens I guess.

(via stele3)

thebibliosphere:

atlasaucebands:

thebibliosphere:

vaya-mernda:

sergle:

On the note of dangerous hair care, and Johnson and Johnson being found to have formaldehyde in their ingredients for shampoos and conditioners: 

this is not such a bad time to mention that it’s a good idea to have some type of site or app you can refer to before you buy smth like a lotion or shampoo!!!! and then you can vet the Ingredience. a lot of them will grade or rate the quality of individual ingredients in any given product.

I use Think Dirty and go by their scores where the higher the number, the worse the product’s ingredients are. so like if I go on there now, I can see that a lot of the OGX stuff has really high scores, usually 8. 8 is very bad lmao

And so you can go into the list of ingredients used for the product to check out the ingredients that brought UP the score, and it’ll explain what it is, what it does, and why it got a bad rating.

So obv we already know about the formaldehyde, but it does say it in here too. The ingredient at the top of the list that’s the most harmful is “Diazolidinyl Urea”, which, if I was reading that on the bottle it wouldn’t stand out to me. But you can see in the list of health impacts that, among other things, it’s a “Formaldehyde releasing agent”. 

So. There is that!!! It’s actually surprising how many skin and hair care products have harmful ingredients in them like that, and just reading the label isn’t usually going to do it. A lot of these apps will also let you scan the barcode for the product and will bring up the info that way, but I just search the name.

@thebibliosphere thought you might find some apps like these interesting! Or your followers :)

Oooh thank you. Ive been using ewg.org for a while to manage my skincare and cleaning products, but this looks handy too. Especially when my dermatologist told me to avoid so many things but just told me to read labels without any further help.

Please don’t use ewg or apps like think dirty. They are the epitome of sites that fear monger ingredients that are essential for the sustainability and use of products. The ingredients that are researched and shown to be harmless by scientists and researchers a million times are supposedly “harmful” and “toxic” according to these sites. I am not an expert, but I follow derms, estheticians, and skin experts. Every single one of them detest these websites. Please research further before falling into the traps of these sites.

P.S. I don’t know the story behind the formaldehyde. I am NOT commenting on the incident, just warning you guys to avoid using ewg and apps like think dirty for your own good and mental peace.

Hi, I know you mean well, but sites like EWG and the above apps are beneficial to those of us who suffer from abnormal immune system conditions like MCAS and other types of mast cell dysfunction as well as general allergies.

I literally have to avoid a zillion different allergen triggers found in most products, including parabens, or I go into anaphylaxis. And it’s not fun living in a world where everyone wants to scoff and say “these things are completely safe, actually scientists say so” when in actuality if I use something that contains miniscule doses of sodium benzoate, I might end up in the back of an ambulance being stuck with an epi-pen.

My last major episode of anaphylaxis that put me in the ER was caused by exposure to a chemical sunscreen that I thought was safe for me to use, but now I know I need to avoid certain ingredients. Usually the preservatives which sites like EWG flag up as potential concerns for allergies, rashes, and respiratory issues.

This enables me to scroll quickly through the things they list as a concern and see if any of my allergens are in there. It doesn’t matter how safe some of those ingredients are for others; they are quite literally toxic to me and my batshit immune system.

They are also beneficial for asthma and migraine sufferers who need to identify and avoid triggers in their products, as well as eczema and other autoimmune skin conditions.

Can some people take the fear of “chemicals” to extremes? Absolutely.

Do a lot of beauty and cleaning products boast “clean” ingredients to play into that fear while still using justas equally bad “natural” alternatives*. Also yes.

But blanket statements about how these apps are predatory or harmful ignore the fact that they are incredibly useful to those of us living with wonky immune systems who DO need to avoid certain ingredients and for whom an easy way to look up a product ingredient can be quite literally life-saving. I don’t like the way they list certain things as “dirty,” and I do wish they’d lean less into marketing low allergen products as “clean” but I sort of like to think of them as infomercials. Y’know, the ones with the questionable acting and overly clumsy non-disabled actors trying to show why you need a device to put your socks on. Lots of people see thoe and think “wow how fucking lazy can you get???” without ever stopping to think “is this product intended for me? Or is it meant for someone with limited mobility.”

The above apps and websites like EWG were initially created in the same vein: to help people with skin allergens and chemical sensitivities to better avoid certain products. It’s just unfortunate they have to lean into a specific type of marketing to appeal to a wider audience It’s sucky, but that doesn’t diminish how valuable they are to those of us who need them.

*looking at you “organic” beauty care.

ms-cellanies:

smute:

catchymemes:

“you are a lawyer and he is a hamster” is one of the funniest statements ive ever had the pleasure of reading

AUTO REBLOG

(via kaity--did)

thebibliosphere:

Holly Mop making sure I don’t move while I’m POTSy from the weather.